So I get this e-mail that reads: Accurate Horoscopes of 2010. So I’m thinking cool, maybe this will just give me some maybe-it’s-real, maybe-it’s-not insight on this year! Instead; however, I got this:

AQUARIUS – Does It In The Water

Trustworthy. Attractive. Great kisser. One of a kind, loves being in long-term relationships. Can be clumsy at times but tries hard.  Will take on any project.  Proud of themselves in whatever they do.  Messy and unorganized. Procrastinators.  Great lovers, when they’re not sleeping.  Extreme thinkers. Loves their pets usually more than their family.  Can be VERY irritating to others when they try to explain or tell a story.  Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Not a Fighter but will Knock your lights out.

Okay, first off, as a whole, it doesn’t tell me anything about my future, it just tells me how I am “supposed” to be or like how I am…..! WTF?

So, I shall dissect it but first I HAVE to start with the subtitle: “Does it in Water????” Um…..nope. Not really. Not even close.

Trustworthy, I guess, I mean, I don’t spread anyone’s “secrets” or gossip more than most people do I suppose….Attractive?….that is for you all to determine. Great Kisser…..how can an ASTROLOGIST tell if I am a “good kisser?” Did he/she kiss a lot of people with different Zodiac signs and say “Well I kissed a bunch of girls who had that water tattoo and they were all Aquarius’s so yeah, they must all be good kissers.” I bet not. What do you think? As for “loving to be in long-term relationships, those of you who know me well know that I don’t prefer to be in any type of relationship…at least not right now.

I DO indeed try very hard at everything I put my mind to and I AM VERY, VERY, VERY clumsy. VERY. I’m definitely not messy and unorganized, the OCD in me simply will NOT allow that! Definitely NOT a procrastinator, I do things right away or else it’s like there is a little foreign man in my brain yelling at me, reminding me I have something to do. Extreme thinker? Affirmative. If I spoke out loud of my thoughts, I think I’d have been committed a LONG time ago.

I don’t have any pets and I know for a fine fact that I irritate people when I tell stories, not just for my attention to every single detail, but also for my over use of the word “like.” Sorry, it’s not as bad as a smoking habit, but I know it’s pretty damn bad. I mean, sometimes things aren’t EXACTLY how I am describing them, they are just similar, or LIKE them, so I use the word like. A LOT.

As for unpredictable…..I’m very bad at cancelling plans at the last minute. Does that count? I try very hard to exceed everyone’s expectations, just not as hard as I should and they are right about one thing, I am not a fighter, I’m not even confrontational. I just turn the cheek, or smile and nod. I’m still wondering….if I’m not a fighter how do you suppose I will “knock your lights out?”

Hm……your guess is as good as mine. As for letting me in on some things that MAY or  MAY NOT happen in 2010, this horoscope website didn’t help a bit. Actually, the only purposes I believe it holds are as this very blog and a reminder to myself that I can be flaky, unconfrontational and say like too much.

Check out your lame horoscope @ http://www.libraroom.com/signs/default.htm

Check out a legit horoscope (this one gets sent to my phone every day) @ http://shine.yahoo.com/astrology

Trip to Wal-Mart

December 2009

She’s back, on break from nursing school and she’s got a cute story that we know you will relate to…Enjoy!

My trip to Wal-Mart

So today, the day after Christmas, I thought myself daring and ventured out to the nippy streets of Lafayette.

I ALWAYS lock my door from the inside and today…I forgot to check to see if my keys were in my hand.

Thank goodness my best friend made me a bunch of spares or else I’d have frozen my fever off in the parking lot.

Once I got on the road I realizes I was in ghost town.

No really, I must have missed the “returns” traffic or something because I could have probably counted how many cars I saw out and about.

Anyway, I arrived at Wal-Mart, secure in a not-too-far-away but not-front-row parking spot and entered the store.

As soon as I entered, the check-your-receipt-for-big-items dude kept checking me out and I couldn’t figure out why…..until I got my cart and put my purse down, not only was there a huge, chunky, snotty piece of Kleenex stuck to my purse….my fly was TOTALLY open.

I mean open to the point where you could make out what color underwear I was sporting….embarrassed, I traveled towards Produce.

Now, there are several different types of shoppers. I like to think of myself as “normal;” however, here are some I beg to differ with:
The Cell Phone Talker: Who do you think you are, walking around, grocery shopping, sharing your whole entire baby daddy conversation with Lafayette’s Wal-Mart shoppers? Rude. Rude. Rude.
The Stressed Out Mom (who doesn’t pay attention to her kids until it’s too late): this one I’m more understanding of but really, if you have three chimichangas running around while you decide which paper towels are the cheapest and none of them speak English and they’re not even wearing shoes as the knock down a “Bounty” display…..come on mamacita.
The Talk to Myselfer: “Let’s see, I think it said I need shredded carrots, where would shredded carrots be in here? If I was a shredded carrot what aisle would I be on? Doesn’t anyone work here? This place is not stocked. And it’s stuffy.” Okay crazy…..think to yourself.

These are just a few of the ones I pick out, but my MOST favorite is the checkout line.

First of all cashiers: SMILE! I know, I know, it’s SO hard swiping things across that barcode-reader thingy and trying to decide which items go together in which bags but a little, tiny, minute smile would be nice every now and again. Or a simple, “Hello,”  would work. I can’t stand it; however, when they ask questions they don’t really want an answer to. Like….“How has your day been?” One day I’ll muster the courage and make up some elaborate story about how my baby daddy got arrested and my car was repossessed and I was fired and my chirrens got kicked out of their daycare all in one day….I wonder what the look on their faces would be? Oh and my absolute favorite: “Did you find everything okay?” No, I couldn’t find the chili powder because you all move shit around every other time I am here and the bananas were on the baby table instead of the grand table and yada yada yada. They don’t care! And we know! So don’t ask!

Anyway, my favorite part of “checking out” is checking out people’s baskets.
The types of food read the person like a book (I bet)!
Frozen corndogs, Bud Light, Diet Coke and Hungry Man Dinners: the divorced fellow who never had to cook.
Ramen Noodles, Capri Sun, Frozen Jimmy Dean Breakfast Sandwiches: the college student. Duh.
Reduced Fat half and half, a bell pepper, an onion, whole wheat penne pasta, boneless, skinless chicken breast, $5.99,Yellowtail Chardonnay: The girl who’s man wants her to cook for him but she still needs to watch what SHE eats.

See, it’s a game. And so yeah, I’m judgmental, but I only judge them for like half a second. Then I look into my OWN basket and realize it reads: SINGLE. SINGLE. SINGLE.

So Generic….

With America obsessed with naming their children such completely attention-grabbing and off-the-wall names, it makes me wonder when movies will catch up to the trend!

People are choosing the most absurd names for their children, yet movie after movie, the protagonists especially, always have such generic names.

Now in no way, shape or form am I exaggerating on these naming tendencies.
…For instance, actress Shannyn Sossamon, (A Knights Tale and Rules of Attraction) named her son “Audio Science.”

……………..Come, the freak, on.

Can you imagine what little self-confidence this poor child must have?!
…Can you imagine how the mothers and other children must stare at them at the playground????

I think Gwyneth Paltrow paved the way for odd names though, when she and her Coldplay hubby named their firstborn “Apple.”
Really?!
My best friend recently had her first son and blessed him with the beautiful name of “Jacob.”
She told me that when she told others of his name their first question was how she would spell it.
…Um….I’m PRETTY SURE there has never been an alteration on the spelling of that name, people.
…So, back to my point, movies just aren’t following this trend for some reason. Here are some examples of generic names in movies in my Netflix Queue.
“The Haunting of Molly Hartley”–Molly
“S. Darko”–Samantha
“What Goes Up”–Lucy
“I Love You, Man”–Peter
“FreeJack”–Alex
“Knowing”–John
“Crazy/Beautiful”–Nicole.

So as you can see, everyday human beings are walking around trying to come up with the most “creative” and different names, but screenwriters are sticking with the most conventional to name their nutty characters.
If you look at what these movies are ABOUT and who these characters ARE, you’ll see that their names are so unbalanced.
But that’s just me.
cty